Definitions
- A behaviorist is someone who pulls habits out of rats.
- Anonymous
- A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.
- Anonymous
- A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.
- Herbert Prochnow
- A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
- A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
- Fred Allen (1894-1956)
- A conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be done for the first time.
- Alfred E. Wiggam
- A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned how to walk forward.
- Franklin Delano Roosevelt
- A conservative is one who admires radicals centuries after they're dead.
- Leo Rosten
- A critic is a legless man who teaches running.
- Anonymous
- A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.
- Winston Churchill, Sir (1874-1965)
- A kiss is a rosy dot over the 'i' of loving.
- Cyrano De Bergerac
- A kiss: To a young girl, faith; to a married woman, hope; to an old maid, charity.
- V. P. Skipper
- A musicologist is a man who can read music but can't hear it.
- Thomas Beecham, Sir
- A pessimist is someone who has had to listen to too many optimists.
- Anonymous
- A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground.
- Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)
- A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
- Anonymous
- A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant things about himself and then says them about other people.
- Peter McArthur
- A science is any discipline in which the fool of this generation can go beyond the point reached by the genius of the last generation.
- Max Gluckman
Academy: A modern school where football is taught.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) - The Devil's Dictionary, 1911
- Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.
- Erica Jong
- An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
- Laurence J. Peter
- An egotist is a person of low taste--more interested in himself than in me.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) - The Devil's Dictionary, 1911
- An executive is a person who always decides; sometimes he decides correctly, but he always decides.
- John H. Patterson
- An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less.
- Nicholas Murray Butler
- An honest politician is one who when he is bought will stay bought.
- Simon Cameron
- An optimist is a guy that has never had much experience.
- Donald R. Perry Marquis
- ARDOR, n. The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) - The Devil's Dictionary, 1911
- Belladonna: In Italian, a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) - The Devil's Dictionary, 1911
- Big egos are big shields for lots of empty space.
Diana Black
- Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) - The Devil's Dictionary, 1911
- Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) - The Devil's Dictionary, 1911
- Childhood: The period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth -- two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.
- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) - The Devil's Dictionary, 1911
- Computer : a million morons working at the speed of light.
- David Ferrier
- Conscience is the inner voice which warns us that someone may be looking.
- Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)
- Death: to stop sinning suddenly.
- Anonymous
- Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
- Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame.
- Laurence J. Peter
- Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.
- Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)
Back to ETNI Quotes
|
|
