HISTORICAL NOTE: ( For those of you who missed the first episode: Three weeks ago, I cooked up some pea/barley/and cauliflower soup to tide my children through a long cold week. The recipe called for the lentils to be fried up with flour and a bit of brown sugar. I put in way too much sugar. It came out really disgusting and totally inedible. So I did the obvious thing: I appealed for help to everybody in my address book, including ETNI community of English teachers. . .)
Never have I received such strong and numerous
responses to anything I have printed.
Friends and family members who I hardly know anymore, including a few
who I thought were dead, all wrote to tell me how I can unsweeten my soup, not
have to spill it out, and thus strike a blow for Ba'al Tash-hit.*
The most
popular suggestion was LEMON
with 12 votes. Lemon is actually tied
with salt, for 12; but more people recommended Lemon together with another
ingredient, so I declare it the winner.
Then came tomato, whether in juice,
whole, peeled or just plain catsup.
Garlic, curry,
and the recycle bin neck and neck with about three apiece.
Next -- Alcohol,
in its various forms: Put in a spoonful
of white wine. Put in two spoonfuls of
vodka. Putin
addressing the Kremlin. Drink a
cup of vodka and the hell with the soup.
Throw in a raw
potato.
Throw in a raw
sweet potato.
Throw in a raw
egg.
Throw in the towel.
Milk.
Avocado.
Pepper.
Viagra. (sta-a-a-a-a-a-a-m-m-m!)
Divide it up into two batches and then
dilute it; This is the sorcerer’s apprentice approach
which, as I know from past experience, leaves you with twice as much cruddy
soup to deal with.
Here are some
even more creative efforts, scraped, as it were off the bottom of the pot:
Try beets, plus Tomato, plus cabbage
and plus lemon,
and then throw it all away.
Give it to the poor.
Take a funnel and pour it into that little slot in your computer to
clean out all the viruses. It really
works!
Excuse
me. The above is a malicious instruction
and was maliciously moved from Sunday’s piece about the virus hoaxes, by
another malicious instruction.
Puree it, let it stand for 6
weeks and use it as ink for the HP 840 printer
Start a soup kitchen.
Stick it where
the sun don’t shine. [ how am I supposed
to get it to
Feed to dog,
preferably the dog that bit you.
Let one of your
kids hand it in as a project for the New Bagrut.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Now, what I did
was, I tried
EVERYTHING! . Lemon,
potato, salt, you name it. If a rabbi
had come by and told me to put in a goat, I would have put in the goat Three days
later, the flavour was just
phenomenal. In fact, I carted some to
Of course, Feuerstein teaches us that the
process is more important. And, you
know, I think he had something.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
* Ba’al Tash-hit is, for anybody with a good Jewish day school
education, is the Divine injunction against wasting food. Whereas my mother took this to extremes –emptying
out her house last Thursday, I came across a Tupperware container of mock
chopped liver kugel from 1983 -- Jews today too often neglect this vital
precept. It’s hard enough these days to
stop people from wasting other people.
By Barry Silverberg and Ehud Marrak,